Long time no type!

Well, I thought that I would come and type up a little note in here.  My husband arrived in Kuwait on Nov 4th last year, which puts him home some time in February 2009.  So, we have about 9 months or so to go.  

We have so many plans for when he gets home.  We're hoping to be moving to a new duty station, Ft. Campbell, KY, and if that works out we will be buying our first home.  No more military housing or apartments for me!  I'm about over them.

I have talked to other Dr's about my fertility problem, and it seems that IVF is our path to the next baby.  I'm ok with that.  I hated learning about my endo, but at least we know what is wrong and what to do about it.  I'm looking forward to getting on the wait list for the procedure.  It's like a weight lifted off my shoulders.  No more trying and trying and failing over and over.  It's too much of a stress after 6 years of trying.  I'm glad to have a plan!

I will take up this blog again once the hubs is home and we are back on the path to babyness.  You can check out my other blog until then if you'd like :)  Just check out my profile and you'll see the link to Heavenly Blossom

I suck at this!

I'm really bad at blogging on here! I think it's because the fertility stuff is all I think about/talk about lately and I also blog about it on myspace and livejournal.

Anyway.....My husband leaves in about 5 weeks for Iraq. 15 months without him...that's gonna be awful. It'll be more like 18 most likely by the time we are living together again. So, we had our lovely clomid last round and it didn't work out. Not pregnant...I really hated seeing that on that stupid $13 test more than seeing one line on a cheaper test. Just made it worse. It's like a pregnancy test that is laughing at you in text. They should add "lol" at the end.

Anyway...we're on another round of clomid now (50mg) and it's our last chance to get pregnant before he leaves. I'm moving before he goes away, so I don't get that next cycle with him. I hate that but it's ok. Today is CD 10, so I'll start peeing on my little sticks to see if I'm ovulating. I at least know that I will since the clomid worked last time. I actually ovulated!!! My progesterone was 14.5...YAY! That's twice what it is without clomid. I'm just praying that it works out this cycle. If not...I have plans for the time he's gone. I know we'll get pregnant after we're together again. I'm going to spend all my time getting in to great shape. I need to lose weight anyway...I'm very unhappy with my body.

Sooooo......I'll update when I get a pos on an OPK! Hopefully that will be in the next 3 or 4 days!

I had my post op appointment on August 29th, and lucked out by being on my 5th day of my cycle! My RE prescribed me 50mg clomid. Now, I just have to wait til Friday to go and get my 21 days bloods drawn to see if it worked! I've felt really optomistic about this this month! I haven't in a long time. If it hasn't worked out, I'm going to email him and ask if I can get my dosage upped to 100mg, because it's my last cycle to try for 2 years. My hubby leaves the first week of November for a 15 month tour in Iraq. I'll be leaving for home, and we won't be back together til June of 09'. BUMMER! We are hoping for a pregnancy though. It would give us something happy to focus on while he's away, and the good news is he could take his mid-tour leave when the baby is due!

So....I have everything crossed this month!!! We'll see how it goes! 2ww, here I come.

update

Wow, it's been a long time since I've blogged! I hadn't realized.

I can't lie though....it was nice to have a "baby-making break".

My husband and I had decided to just wait til after my surgery to really TRY again, so that meant several months of no stressing. Ok, I lie...I stressed plenty but not over a baby. The hubby was gone for 5 weeks, and managed to make it home the DAY AFTER (yes, I'm still bitter) my surgery. Long story short...surgery was July 16th, he was at training in Cali and was told that they would put him on the FIRST flight back so that he could be here for me. The first flight was the 14th. He got home the 17th. I was irrate. Well...my surgery was supposed to be laproscopic, but of course the cyst was too big and lodged behind my lovely uterus, which meant that they had to cut me open. That's ok, I didn't want to leave the thing in there. I'll take a scar over the pain thankyouverymuchsir. Needless to say, hubby was surprised to fly in the morning of the 17th, call me, and hear "I'm in the hospital, so you'll have to get a ride". He was a bit confused and didn't understand that things hadn't gone to plan until he arrived and I showed him my battle wound. Luckily, I had my dad here for a visit and he took me in for surgery. I know the Army....I didn't expect him to be home.

So, I'm almost 3 weeks post-op now, and looking forward to resuming a normal sex life (it's been 7 1/2 weeks....I've gone longer, but not with him HOME). If I can ever get ahold of my STUPID clinic to make my post op appointment...it'll be a good thing. I'm supposed to have that a week from Monday, but once again we are speaking of the Army. At my appointment, my wonderful Dr. should be giving us the Clomid that I have been waiting for. Then, we'll be active again in the lovely world of TTC. I'm looking forward to it, but I refuse to obsess. I only have about 3 cycles (my guess) before my hubby leaves me for Iraq. ::sigh:: Then, I'll have to wait 15-18 months to resume trying. Another year plus without my baby home with me...

Complex

Well, my cyst is still complex. Oh, AND...it's bigger! So, in July I'll be having surgery to have it removed. Once I do that, I get to go on Clomid! I have a new fertility Doctor now, and he's amazing. When he does my surgery, he's going to check my tubes (even though we're pretty sure they are just fine) and anything else that could affect my fertility. I'm looking forward to that.

I'm pretty damn happy about having almost 2 months off of TTC too. I've been so stressed about it, and just ready to give up. Dr. Smythe really made me feel better today. He's so soft spoken and personable, so it's nice to have him. I'm going to focus on the weightloss for the next few months. I'd like to lose 15 pounds before surgery in July. I think that's reasonable. I just have to work at it. I feel so much lighter today after that appointment. A weight has definately lifted.

I know the plan for our fertility issues now, and it feels good.

$h!t

Yesterday was just an awful day. I couldn't seem to sleep Sunday night, so that didn't help my Monday I don't suppose. I finally got to sleep around 4:30am and then the hubby got up at 5. I always have a hard time getting to sleep after he gets up, so by about 5:30 I was out again, just to get up at 6:30 a.m. to get Leilani ready and take her to school. So, that's an hour and a half of sleep. I went straight back to bed when I got home at 7:15 and didn't get to sleep til about 9. Had to get up at 10. So, no sleep for me.

I took my shower and shaved my legs...which I hate to do, but figured it would be nice to do since someone was gonna be between my legs today. Didn't want them to get splinters. Decided to call and make my HSG appointment. Well, the lady that answered the phone was like "who is your provider" in a snotty condecending tone. Now, this isn't my hospital that I have to have the HSG done at, the military hospital doesn't do it, so it's the one in town. I told her that and she was like "well, we're overbooked this week so you'll have to wait til next month".

WTF

"We're normally not so backed up" I don't care if they are normally backed up, I care that I can't get my goddamn appointment! I didn't get to have it last month, because I was gone during the time that I had to have it, and now they are telling me to wait ANOTHER MONTH? I was angry and frustrated and devastated all at once. I felt like this women on the phone had no idea what she had just told me. If I had all the time in the world, I wouldn't get so upset, but my husband is leaving me for 12-18 months this fall. I don't know how long I have to do all this crap before he goes, and if we don't get pregnant before he deploys....Leilani will be almost 9 AT THE YOUNGEST before we have out next. I can't get clomid without this test. I can't get on the AI and IVF lists without this test.

Screw Metro*lex hospital. I'm calling the FIRST day of my period and making the appointment. I'm not waiting til the last day of my cycle, so that they can be "overbooked" again. I will have the damn test NEXT MONTH!

So, I was upset (clearly) by that. I about broke down when I told my husband that I had to wait ANOTHER MONTH.

We went to the hospital for my appointment after that, where I learned that I STILL have the cyst. I don't know how big it is yet. I'm waiting for the doctor to call me about that. While I was having my scan, my husband called to let our Doc know what was going on with the HSG test. He told her how upset I was, and asked if my cyst was better if I would be able to start my clomid. That's when we found out that I can't have it til I have my HSG test. AHHHH! COME ON ALREADY! She also told him that my progesterone level was only 8 and it needs to be 10. What if I can't do anything about that people! geez! After they talked, she called him back like 5 minutes later and said she had an appointment on Thursday and asked if we wanted to come in and talk to her. So, 12:30 Thursday I get to go and probably just get even more upset.

I had been losing weight. Not now. I'm like 2 pounds more than I was when I saw her last...but I think I'm bloated in all honesty. I'm just beating myself up today. I just don't want to get yelled at. I haven't been able to go to the gym, because there just isn't enough time. I don't have our car, but in the afternoons. I don't have time to go to the gym after dropping my husband off at work to go, because of the time that my daughter gets out of school. Then, after she gets home, we have to do homework and practice piano. Then it's about time to get my husband from work. After that is dinner, baths, and getting ready for the next day. When am I supposed to go to the gym?!?! Thank God that Leilani is out of school next Thursday! I hate sounding like I'm making excuses.

I've lost all motivation to do anything lately. I hate who I have become. I don't know what to do with myself. I try to be positive, but for some reason I just can't be. I'm so freaking depressed which makes me angry. I DO NOT want to take my meds for that. I was doing so good. I don't know what my problem is.

life.

Well, AF showed up this week. Monday is the scan, and I'll call for my HSG.

I'm tired. I just want to get pregnant already! Two years (almost) is enough already. And to think, we wanted another one when Leilani turned 2. She's almost 6. Things didn't go according to plan.

On a brighter note...tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I feel very lucky to have the one little midget that I have. I love her more than life. My sweet hubby took her out this morning early before I got up and scouted out all the Spa's in town. They got me a package at one the next town over. Hubby said he could tell that I've been down lately, and he thought that it would be good for me to have a day at the spa, to myself. I had a pretty crappy day today, so getting my Mother's Day gifts early, was really nice. I feel better now.

So, I'm just gonna do my best this cycle, and hopefully by this time next year we'll have another little one. Sadly, my hubby won't be here though. Never seems to be a totally perfect and happy time lately. ::sigh::