I'm really bad at blogging on here! I think it's because the fertility stuff is all I think about/talk about lately and I also blog about it on myspace and livejournal.
Anyway.....My husband leaves in about 5 weeks for Iraq. 15 months without him...that's gonna be awful. It'll be more like 18 most likely by the time we are living together again. So, we had our lovely clomid last round and it didn't work out. Not pregnant...I really hated seeing that on that stupid $13 test more than seeing one line on a cheaper test. Just made it worse. It's like a pregnancy test that is laughing at you in text. They should add "lol" at the end.
Anyway...we're on another round of clomid now (50mg) and it's our last chance to get pregnant before he leaves. I'm moving before he goes away, so I don't get that next cycle with him. I hate that but it's ok. Today is CD 10, so I'll start peeing on my little sticks to see if I'm ovulating. I at least know that I will since the clomid worked last time. I actually ovulated!!! My progesterone was 14.5...YAY! That's twice what it is without clomid. I'm just praying that it works out this cycle. If not...I have plans for the time he's gone. I know we'll get pregnant after we're together again. I'm going to spend all my time getting in to great shape. I need to lose weight anyway...I'm very unhappy with my body.
Sooooo......I'll update when I get a pos on an OPK! Hopefully that will be in the next 3 or 4 days!
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Sunday, September 9, 2007
I had my post op appointment on August 29th, and lucked out by being on my 5th day of my cycle! My RE prescribed me 50mg clomid. Now, I just have to wait til Friday to go and get my 21 days bloods drawn to see if it worked! I've felt really optomistic about this this month! I haven't in a long time. If it hasn't worked out, I'm going to email him and ask if I can get my dosage upped to 100mg, because it's my last cycle to try for 2 years. My hubby leaves the first week of November for a 15 month tour in Iraq. I'll be leaving for home, and we won't be back together til June of 09'. BUMMER! We are hoping for a pregnancy though. It would give us something happy to focus on while he's away, and the good news is he could take his mid-tour leave when the baby is due!
So....I have everything crossed this month!!! We'll see how it goes! 2ww, here I come.
So....I have everything crossed this month!!! We'll see how it goes! 2ww, here I come.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
update
Wow, it's been a long time since I've blogged! I hadn't realized.
I can't lie though....it was nice to have a "baby-making break".
My husband and I had decided to just wait til after my surgery to really TRY again, so that meant several months of no stressing. Ok, I lie...I stressed plenty but not over a baby. The hubby was gone for 5 weeks, and managed to make it home the DAY AFTER (yes, I'm still bitter) my surgery. Long story short...surgery was July 16th, he was at training in Cali and was told that they would put him on the FIRST flight back so that he could be here for me. The first flight was the 14th. He got home the 17th. I was irrate. Well...my surgery was supposed to be laproscopic, but of course the cyst was too big and lodged behind my lovely uterus, which meant that they had to cut me open. That's ok, I didn't want to leave the thing in there. I'll take a scar over the pain thankyouverymuchsir. Needless to say, hubby was surprised to fly in the morning of the 17th, call me, and hear "I'm in the hospital, so you'll have to get a ride". He was a bit confused and didn't understand that things hadn't gone to plan until he arrived and I showed him my battle wound. Luckily, I had my dad here for a visit and he took me in for surgery. I know the Army....I didn't expect him to be home.
So, I'm almost 3 weeks post-op now, and looking forward to resuming a normal sex life (it's been 7 1/2 weeks....I've gone longer, but not with him HOME). If I can ever get ahold of my STUPID clinic to make my post op appointment...it'll be a good thing. I'm supposed to have that a week from Monday, but once again we are speaking of the Army. At my appointment, my wonderful Dr. should be giving us the Clomid that I have been waiting for. Then, we'll be active again in the lovely world of TTC. I'm looking forward to it, but I refuse to obsess. I only have about 3 cycles (my guess) before my hubby leaves me for Iraq. ::sigh:: Then, I'll have to wait 15-18 months to resume trying. Another year plus without my baby home with me...
I can't lie though....it was nice to have a "baby-making break".
My husband and I had decided to just wait til after my surgery to really TRY again, so that meant several months of no stressing. Ok, I lie...I stressed plenty but not over a baby. The hubby was gone for 5 weeks, and managed to make it home the DAY AFTER (yes, I'm still bitter) my surgery. Long story short...surgery was July 16th, he was at training in Cali and was told that they would put him on the FIRST flight back so that he could be here for me. The first flight was the 14th. He got home the 17th. I was irrate. Well...my surgery was supposed to be laproscopic, but of course the cyst was too big and lodged behind my lovely uterus, which meant that they had to cut me open. That's ok, I didn't want to leave the thing in there. I'll take a scar over the pain thankyouverymuchsir. Needless to say, hubby was surprised to fly in the morning of the 17th, call me, and hear "I'm in the hospital, so you'll have to get a ride". He was a bit confused and didn't understand that things hadn't gone to plan until he arrived and I showed him my battle wound. Luckily, I had my dad here for a visit and he took me in for surgery. I know the Army....I didn't expect him to be home.
So, I'm almost 3 weeks post-op now, and looking forward to resuming a normal sex life (it's been 7 1/2 weeks....I've gone longer, but not with him HOME). If I can ever get ahold of my STUPID clinic to make my post op appointment...it'll be a good thing. I'm supposed to have that a week from Monday, but once again we are speaking of the Army. At my appointment, my wonderful Dr. should be giving us the Clomid that I have been waiting for. Then, we'll be active again in the lovely world of TTC. I'm looking forward to it, but I refuse to obsess. I only have about 3 cycles (my guess) before my hubby leaves me for Iraq. ::sigh:: Then, I'll have to wait 15-18 months to resume trying. Another year plus without my baby home with me...
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Complex
Well, my cyst is still complex. Oh, AND...it's bigger! So, in July I'll be having surgery to have it removed. Once I do that, I get to go on Clomid! I have a new fertility Doctor now, and he's amazing. When he does my surgery, he's going to check my tubes (even though we're pretty sure they are just fine) and anything else that could affect my fertility. I'm looking forward to that.
I'm pretty damn happy about having almost 2 months off of TTC too. I've been so stressed about it, and just ready to give up. Dr. Smythe really made me feel better today. He's so soft spoken and personable, so it's nice to have him. I'm going to focus on the weightloss for the next few months. I'd like to lose 15 pounds before surgery in July. I think that's reasonable. I just have to work at it. I feel so much lighter today after that appointment. A weight has definately lifted.
I know the plan for our fertility issues now, and it feels good.
I'm pretty damn happy about having almost 2 months off of TTC too. I've been so stressed about it, and just ready to give up. Dr. Smythe really made me feel better today. He's so soft spoken and personable, so it's nice to have him. I'm going to focus on the weightloss for the next few months. I'd like to lose 15 pounds before surgery in July. I think that's reasonable. I just have to work at it. I feel so much lighter today after that appointment. A weight has definately lifted.
I know the plan for our fertility issues now, and it feels good.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
$h!t
Yesterday was just an awful day. I couldn't seem to sleep Sunday night, so that didn't help my Monday I don't suppose. I finally got to sleep around 4:30am and then the hubby got up at 5. I always have a hard time getting to sleep after he gets up, so by about 5:30 I was out again, just to get up at 6:30 a.m. to get Leilani ready and take her to school. So, that's an hour and a half of sleep. I went straight back to bed when I got home at 7:15 and didn't get to sleep til about 9. Had to get up at 10. So, no sleep for me.
I took my shower and shaved my legs...which I hate to do, but figured it would be nice to do since someone was gonna be between my legs today. Didn't want them to get splinters. Decided to call and make my HSG appointment. Well, the lady that answered the phone was like "who is your provider" in a snotty condecending tone. Now, this isn't my hospital that I have to have the HSG done at, the military hospital doesn't do it, so it's the one in town. I told her that and she was like "well, we're overbooked this week so you'll have to wait til next month".
WTF
"We're normally not so backed up" I don't care if they are normally backed up, I care that I can't get my goddamn appointment! I didn't get to have it last month, because I was gone during the time that I had to have it, and now they are telling me to wait ANOTHER MONTH? I was angry and frustrated and devastated all at once. I felt like this women on the phone had no idea what she had just told me. If I had all the time in the world, I wouldn't get so upset, but my husband is leaving me for 12-18 months this fall. I don't know how long I have to do all this crap before he goes, and if we don't get pregnant before he deploys....Leilani will be almost 9 AT THE YOUNGEST before we have out next. I can't get clomid without this test. I can't get on the AI and IVF lists without this test.
Screw Metro*lex hospital. I'm calling the FIRST day of my period and making the appointment. I'm not waiting til the last day of my cycle, so that they can be "overbooked" again. I will have the damn test NEXT MONTH!
So, I was upset (clearly) by that. I about broke down when I told my husband that I had to wait ANOTHER MONTH.
We went to the hospital for my appointment after that, where I learned that I STILL have the cyst. I don't know how big it is yet. I'm waiting for the doctor to call me about that. While I was having my scan, my husband called to let our Doc know what was going on with the HSG test. He told her how upset I was, and asked if my cyst was better if I would be able to start my clomid. That's when we found out that I can't have it til I have my HSG test. AHHHH! COME ON ALREADY! She also told him that my progesterone level was only 8 and it needs to be 10. What if I can't do anything about that people! geez! After they talked, she called him back like 5 minutes later and said she had an appointment on Thursday and asked if we wanted to come in and talk to her. So, 12:30 Thursday I get to go and probably just get even more upset.
I had been losing weight. Not now. I'm like 2 pounds more than I was when I saw her last...but I think I'm bloated in all honesty. I'm just beating myself up today. I just don't want to get yelled at. I haven't been able to go to the gym, because there just isn't enough time. I don't have our car, but in the afternoons. I don't have time to go to the gym after dropping my husband off at work to go, because of the time that my daughter gets out of school. Then, after she gets home, we have to do homework and practice piano. Then it's about time to get my husband from work. After that is dinner, baths, and getting ready for the next day. When am I supposed to go to the gym?!?! Thank God that Leilani is out of school next Thursday! I hate sounding like I'm making excuses.
I've lost all motivation to do anything lately. I hate who I have become. I don't know what to do with myself. I try to be positive, but for some reason I just can't be. I'm so freaking depressed which makes me angry. I DO NOT want to take my meds for that. I was doing so good. I don't know what my problem is.
I took my shower and shaved my legs...which I hate to do, but figured it would be nice to do since someone was gonna be between my legs today. Didn't want them to get splinters. Decided to call and make my HSG appointment. Well, the lady that answered the phone was like "who is your provider" in a snotty condecending tone. Now, this isn't my hospital that I have to have the HSG done at, the military hospital doesn't do it, so it's the one in town. I told her that and she was like "well, we're overbooked this week so you'll have to wait til next month".
WTF
"We're normally not so backed up" I don't care if they are normally backed up, I care that I can't get my goddamn appointment! I didn't get to have it last month, because I was gone during the time that I had to have it, and now they are telling me to wait ANOTHER MONTH? I was angry and frustrated and devastated all at once. I felt like this women on the phone had no idea what she had just told me. If I had all the time in the world, I wouldn't get so upset, but my husband is leaving me for 12-18 months this fall. I don't know how long I have to do all this crap before he goes, and if we don't get pregnant before he deploys....Leilani will be almost 9 AT THE YOUNGEST before we have out next. I can't get clomid without this test. I can't get on the AI and IVF lists without this test.
Screw Metro*lex hospital. I'm calling the FIRST day of my period and making the appointment. I'm not waiting til the last day of my cycle, so that they can be "overbooked" again. I will have the damn test NEXT MONTH!
So, I was upset (clearly) by that. I about broke down when I told my husband that I had to wait ANOTHER MONTH.
We went to the hospital for my appointment after that, where I learned that I STILL have the cyst. I don't know how big it is yet. I'm waiting for the doctor to call me about that. While I was having my scan, my husband called to let our Doc know what was going on with the HSG test. He told her how upset I was, and asked if my cyst was better if I would be able to start my clomid. That's when we found out that I can't have it til I have my HSG test. AHHHH! COME ON ALREADY! She also told him that my progesterone level was only 8 and it needs to be 10. What if I can't do anything about that people! geez! After they talked, she called him back like 5 minutes later and said she had an appointment on Thursday and asked if we wanted to come in and talk to her. So, 12:30 Thursday I get to go and probably just get even more upset.
I had been losing weight. Not now. I'm like 2 pounds more than I was when I saw her last...but I think I'm bloated in all honesty. I'm just beating myself up today. I just don't want to get yelled at. I haven't been able to go to the gym, because there just isn't enough time. I don't have our car, but in the afternoons. I don't have time to go to the gym after dropping my husband off at work to go, because of the time that my daughter gets out of school. Then, after she gets home, we have to do homework and practice piano. Then it's about time to get my husband from work. After that is dinner, baths, and getting ready for the next day. When am I supposed to go to the gym?!?! Thank God that Leilani is out of school next Thursday! I hate sounding like I'm making excuses.
I've lost all motivation to do anything lately. I hate who I have become. I don't know what to do with myself. I try to be positive, but for some reason I just can't be. I'm so freaking depressed which makes me angry. I DO NOT want to take my meds for that. I was doing so good. I don't know what my problem is.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
life.
Well, AF showed up this week. Monday is the scan, and I'll call for my HSG.
I'm tired. I just want to get pregnant already! Two years (almost) is enough already. And to think, we wanted another one when Leilani turned 2. She's almost 6. Things didn't go according to plan.
On a brighter note...tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I feel very lucky to have the one little midget that I have. I love her more than life. My sweet hubby took her out this morning early before I got up and scouted out all the Spa's in town. They got me a package at one the next town over. Hubby said he could tell that I've been down lately, and he thought that it would be good for me to have a day at the spa, to myself. I had a pretty crappy day today, so getting my Mother's Day gifts early, was really nice. I feel better now.
So, I'm just gonna do my best this cycle, and hopefully by this time next year we'll have another little one. Sadly, my hubby won't be here though. Never seems to be a totally perfect and happy time lately. ::sigh::
I'm tired. I just want to get pregnant already! Two years (almost) is enough already. And to think, we wanted another one when Leilani turned 2. She's almost 6. Things didn't go according to plan.
On a brighter note...tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I feel very lucky to have the one little midget that I have. I love her more than life. My sweet hubby took her out this morning early before I got up and scouted out all the Spa's in town. They got me a package at one the next town over. Hubby said he could tell that I've been down lately, and he thought that it would be good for me to have a day at the spa, to myself. I had a pretty crappy day today, so getting my Mother's Day gifts early, was really nice. I feel better now.
So, I'm just gonna do my best this cycle, and hopefully by this time next year we'll have another little one. Sadly, my hubby won't be here though. Never seems to be a totally perfect and happy time lately. ::sigh::
Sunday, May 6, 2007
The craziness that is my life
Seriously...my life is like a 3 ring circus lately. I feel like nothing just flows together. It's all divided and nuts. I can only be in one ring at a time, which is VERY difficult for a multi-tasking overachiever like myself.
Ring One: TTC I must say that this is the most frustrating ring. Maybe even the center one, since everything seems to revolve around it. Including ring 2. TTC has really taken over my life more than I like to admit. I'm getting to the point, where I want to quit. That totally sucks too, seeing as we've just gotten through most of our testing and I'm close to getting some drugs to help this along...supposedly. I feel like I'm really down on it lately, and possibly only continuing on because we've finally gotten to where things are moving forward, and I don't want to give that up and hate myself later down the bumpy road. I'm hanging in there, and obsessing about every little thing that goes with it. This last month....I didn't bother trying. My husband is burnt out. Sex is NO FUN. I didn't get a pos OV test. I said "screw it" this month. I think I'll be ready in a few weeks, to get back on the horse. AF is due Tuesday...I know she's coming. That means that next week I will have my HSG, as well as my internal pelvic exam. Oh, and lets not forget the pregnancy test I have to take before the HSG. That'll be just lovely..I love having another negative shoved in my face. ::sigh:: I want to just walk in one day and tell them to skip the crap and stick a fertilized egg in there and be done with it. I'm in this to get it over with right now. I desperately want another baby, but this just isn't how it's supposed to be done. Imagine...having sex to have a baby? How in the hell did they think that would ever work?!?!?! seriously.
Ring two: The battle of the bulge. This was enough on it's own. Now I have the pressure of having to lose weight to get pregnant. Like being infertile isn't stressful enough! I have a hard time with this too for some reason. I can't seem to pull all the different aspects together, to be as healthy as I need to be. Maybe I'm just being a wuss. Maybe I'm quiting. I think I'm in a rut. Part of me wants to never eat again and do Pilate's constantly until I look like I think I should, but the reasonable part of my brain says "um..no moron". So, This week I will recommit to the gym, WW, and my detox. All three pieces of the puzzle. I know I can do it...but it's hard dammit! I'd like to lose at least 5 pounds in the next 2 weeks so that my fertility lady will give me nice looks and pats on the back.
Ring three: Life? I forgot I had one for awhile. I KNOW that I have focused too much on TTC and weight issues. I seriously don't know how to just make them another part of life. I feel like they rule me and have defined who I am, and that is way not cool. My goal is to make them PART of my life, not ALL of it. It's very hard for me. I have no control over these things it seems. Maybe acupuncture? I need some stress relief. GEEZ!
I'm trying to find myself. My husband is leaving this fall for a year....at least. I would love to be pregnant by then, but if I'm not, I really am 100% ok with that. We'll pick up where we left off, and then while he's gone I can focus on one thing...getting to a healthy baby making place! Right now, it's not so easy. I have a deployment to focus on, weight, TTC, finding a job....etc. Stress...I need to simplify and let things go. I'm trying so hard. TTC, I've started to let it go. I'm just doing what I've been told to do, and taking it a step at a time. That's all I can do. That's the biggest hurdle. I'll get over it!
Ring One: TTC I must say that this is the most frustrating ring. Maybe even the center one, since everything seems to revolve around it. Including ring 2. TTC has really taken over my life more than I like to admit. I'm getting to the point, where I want to quit. That totally sucks too, seeing as we've just gotten through most of our testing and I'm close to getting some drugs to help this along...supposedly. I feel like I'm really down on it lately, and possibly only continuing on because we've finally gotten to where things are moving forward, and I don't want to give that up and hate myself later down the bumpy road. I'm hanging in there, and obsessing about every little thing that goes with it. This last month....I didn't bother trying. My husband is burnt out. Sex is NO FUN. I didn't get a pos OV test. I said "screw it" this month. I think I'll be ready in a few weeks, to get back on the horse. AF is due Tuesday...I know she's coming. That means that next week I will have my HSG, as well as my internal pelvic exam. Oh, and lets not forget the pregnancy test I have to take before the HSG. That'll be just lovely..I love having another negative shoved in my face. ::sigh:: I want to just walk in one day and tell them to skip the crap and stick a fertilized egg in there and be done with it. I'm in this to get it over with right now. I desperately want another baby, but this just isn't how it's supposed to be done. Imagine...having sex to have a baby? How in the hell did they think that would ever work?!?!?! seriously.
Ring two: The battle of the bulge. This was enough on it's own. Now I have the pressure of having to lose weight to get pregnant. Like being infertile isn't stressful enough! I have a hard time with this too for some reason. I can't seem to pull all the different aspects together, to be as healthy as I need to be. Maybe I'm just being a wuss. Maybe I'm quiting. I think I'm in a rut. Part of me wants to never eat again and do Pilate's constantly until I look like I think I should, but the reasonable part of my brain says "um..no moron". So, This week I will recommit to the gym, WW, and my detox. All three pieces of the puzzle. I know I can do it...but it's hard dammit! I'd like to lose at least 5 pounds in the next 2 weeks so that my fertility lady will give me nice looks and pats on the back.
Ring three: Life? I forgot I had one for awhile. I KNOW that I have focused too much on TTC and weight issues. I seriously don't know how to just make them another part of life. I feel like they rule me and have defined who I am, and that is way not cool. My goal is to make them PART of my life, not ALL of it. It's very hard for me. I have no control over these things it seems. Maybe acupuncture? I need some stress relief. GEEZ!
I'm trying to find myself. My husband is leaving this fall for a year....at least. I would love to be pregnant by then, but if I'm not, I really am 100% ok with that. We'll pick up where we left off, and then while he's gone I can focus on one thing...getting to a healthy baby making place! Right now, it's not so easy. I have a deployment to focus on, weight, TTC, finding a job....etc. Stress...I need to simplify and let things go. I'm trying so hard. TTC, I've started to let it go. I'm just doing what I've been told to do, and taking it a step at a time. That's all I can do. That's the biggest hurdle. I'll get over it!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Needles, blood, and an unnecessary urine test
So this morning I had to drag my happy butt over to the hospital to have a needle stuck in my arm so that I could have more life drained from me. Okay, so that's dramatic, but I'm not a morning person, so that's what it felt like. And my butt wasn't really happy, just to clear that up.
I took my little numbered paper like you're supposed to do at these lovely military clinics and sat down. The pregnant ladies entered at this time. I was jealous at first, but then when they were gagging down that nasty syrup crap for their glucose, the jealousy quickly faded away. Gross. When my number was called, I went up to the desk, handed over my military ID and was informed that not only was I supposed to have blood drawn, but that I was to "give a sample" in the lovely little plastic cup that I was handed (Note: I wasn't given sanitary napkin thingies. wth?). Now, Ms. H didn't inform me that I was to do one, but it was really too early in the morning to make a stink about a little pee. So, I went to get my blood drawn with plans to pee after. My number was up after all...for the blood lady that is.
I get to my chair and just about drop everything as the lady slips the card and my pretty labels out of my hand. Thanks lady. Then, she put the tourniquet on WAY too tight. I just gritted my teeth and bared it. What else could I do?? Complain....haha, anyway. Then she poked at my arm a bit. Now, I have two VERY visible holes in my arm that she should have seen just fine, from when I donated Plasma. She actually said "I THINK I see where the vein is. Do you know where they normally stick you?". I think I went white. Was this woman SERIOUSLY asking me if I knew where SHE needed to stick me?? Lady, You're the one who is HOPEFULLY certified in phlebotomy, I haven't started that course yet, so why don't you go ahead and tell me where you are supposed to stick me. I wanted to be a smart ass and say, "um, in the ARM", but I didn't. I just told her that there were holes from where I had donated and she said ok. Then uttered "i'm just gonna stick here". Normally I don't even feel the needle...she wasn't graceful. I'm now bruised and the hole isn't near the ones from my plasma days. Stupid bitch.
I figured the worst (if not the nastiest) part of the day was over, so I followed the little yellow arrows to the woman's restroom. I didn't know we were that big of idiots now a days that we needed yellow arrows to lead us around a corner. I figured that the big sign with RESTROOM on it would have done the trick on it's own quite nicely. Apparently not. Did my test, turned it in, and left.
I was told to call Ms. H tomorrow to get the results of this second little blood test. Well, she called me today! Two hours after I had the work done. Now that's what I call fast! I love having a doctor that actually gives a rats ass. Anyway, everything was ok. She said something about my iron, but I didn't hear all of it. I just caught a "6". Don't know if she said 16 or 26. Either way, the prolactin levels are where they need to be now, and everything else must be fine since she didn't mention it. She did tell me that the lab people are morons (not quite like that, but that was the gist) and that I wasn't supposed to take the urine thing today. It was for when I do my HSG in a few weeks, since I have to have a pregnancy test the day before. Stupid lab people who can't read. I guess the yellow arrows are for them?
So, now I just have to wait for my period to come and go so that I can have my HSG. Either that, or I'm supposed to wait til day 35 of this cycle to go and do a test. Yeah RIGHT...like I could wait THAT long. My cycles are an average of 27 days and I've never gone over 31. NEVER. I think I'll test on day 32 here at home, and if it's pos, then I'll go to the hospital. Wait til day 35....ppppssshhhhtttt.
I took my little numbered paper like you're supposed to do at these lovely military clinics and sat down. The pregnant ladies entered at this time. I was jealous at first, but then when they were gagging down that nasty syrup crap for their glucose, the jealousy quickly faded away. Gross. When my number was called, I went up to the desk, handed over my military ID and was informed that not only was I supposed to have blood drawn, but that I was to "give a sample" in the lovely little plastic cup that I was handed (Note: I wasn't given sanitary napkin thingies. wth?). Now, Ms. H didn't inform me that I was to do one, but it was really too early in the morning to make a stink about a little pee. So, I went to get my blood drawn with plans to pee after. My number was up after all...for the blood lady that is.
I get to my chair and just about drop everything as the lady slips the card and my pretty labels out of my hand. Thanks lady. Then, she put the tourniquet on WAY too tight. I just gritted my teeth and bared it. What else could I do?? Complain....haha, anyway. Then she poked at my arm a bit. Now, I have two VERY visible holes in my arm that she should have seen just fine, from when I donated Plasma. She actually said "I THINK I see where the vein is. Do you know where they normally stick you?". I think I went white. Was this woman SERIOUSLY asking me if I knew where SHE needed to stick me?? Lady, You're the one who is HOPEFULLY certified in phlebotomy, I haven't started that course yet, so why don't you go ahead and tell me where you are supposed to stick me. I wanted to be a smart ass and say, "um, in the ARM", but I didn't. I just told her that there were holes from where I had donated and she said ok. Then uttered "i'm just gonna stick here". Normally I don't even feel the needle...she wasn't graceful. I'm now bruised and the hole isn't near the ones from my plasma days. Stupid bitch.
I figured the worst (if not the nastiest) part of the day was over, so I followed the little yellow arrows to the woman's restroom. I didn't know we were that big of idiots now a days that we needed yellow arrows to lead us around a corner. I figured that the big sign with RESTROOM on it would have done the trick on it's own quite nicely. Apparently not. Did my test, turned it in, and left.
I was told to call Ms. H tomorrow to get the results of this second little blood test. Well, she called me today! Two hours after I had the work done. Now that's what I call fast! I love having a doctor that actually gives a rats ass. Anyway, everything was ok. She said something about my iron, but I didn't hear all of it. I just caught a "6". Don't know if she said 16 or 26. Either way, the prolactin levels are where they need to be now, and everything else must be fine since she didn't mention it. She did tell me that the lab people are morons (not quite like that, but that was the gist) and that I wasn't supposed to take the urine thing today. It was for when I do my HSG in a few weeks, since I have to have a pregnancy test the day before. Stupid lab people who can't read. I guess the yellow arrows are for them?
So, now I just have to wait for my period to come and go so that I can have my HSG. Either that, or I'm supposed to wait til day 35 of this cycle to go and do a test. Yeah RIGHT...like I could wait THAT long. My cycles are an average of 27 days and I've never gone over 31. NEVER. I think I'll test on day 32 here at home, and if it's pos, then I'll go to the hospital. Wait til day 35....ppppssshhhhtttt.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
What the Dr. Ordered
I had forgotten what it was like to not worry about anything until I went on this cruise last week! I am normally a stresser...a big fat one. I mean, I worry about everything and make things huge, no matter if they really are or not. I was shocked to realize that while I was gone, I didn't think about anything. Not even TTC! It felt good to have nothing that I had to do. I felt like I did when I was a teenager with no worries. I love Disney! We're already planning to go on a 7-night cruise now, once the hubby is back from Iraq next fall. Just have to save up, which should be no problem. I am trying to maintain this feeling that I have right now, and not stress over stuipd things, and so far so good.
On the TTC front, nothing really going on. I used an ov test last night, and so far haven't ov'ed. I am really hoping to get two lines on one of those suckers this month. I suppose that as long as my bloodwork comes back like it should this time and my cyst is better, I'll be on clomid for that. I'd much rather my body do it itself...ya know, like it's supposed to. I think it missed that memo. I get my next blood work done on the first and then my scan is on the 14th, so hopefully next cycle will be a better one. I'm hoping that I'm one of the lucky that gets pregnant on the first round of clomid.
I was really determined to get pregnant before O leaves for Iraq, but I think I'm doing ok with the idea of that being postponed. I can handle it if I'm not. Stupid Iraq.
On the TTC front, nothing really going on. I used an ov test last night, and so far haven't ov'ed. I am really hoping to get two lines on one of those suckers this month. I suppose that as long as my bloodwork comes back like it should this time and my cyst is better, I'll be on clomid for that. I'd much rather my body do it itself...ya know, like it's supposed to. I think it missed that memo. I get my next blood work done on the first and then my scan is on the 14th, so hopefully next cycle will be a better one. I'm hoping that I'm one of the lucky that gets pregnant on the first round of clomid.
I was really determined to get pregnant before O leaves for Iraq, but I think I'm doing ok with the idea of that being postponed. I can handle it if I'm not. Stupid Iraq.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Aparently...my ovaries are underachievers
Today, we had our second appointment with Ms. H, our lovely fertility lady. I found out my results from my blood work I had done on day 21, and only had a few things to work on. My Iron is low (no big surprise) and my progesterone too. Yeah, my lovely ovaries must have been on vacation, because they failed to release an egg. Underachievers.
She went over hubby's last s/a, and said that even though his numbers are low, we can still conceive, and she gave us a referral to see the urologist. If they give him the option for surgery for his vericocele, he's gonna go ahead with it. Ms. H told us that 30% of men that have this problem and have the surgery, have an increase in fertility afterwards, so we figure that's decent odds, and what can it hurt anyway, right?
I have to keep losing weight. I lost 5.8 pounds over the 3 weeks between our appointments, so I got a big pat on the back for that. *take a bow* I was impressed with me at least, lol. I've also really made the effort to go to the gym this week. I haven't missed one day! I'm proud of that.
I also, have to get rid of my *large complicated cyst* that my left ovary must be in love with. The thing hasn't shrunk since I found out I had it in Feb. It partially ruptured back then, so that's when I found out I had it. You know...when I was yelling that I was dying and something was seriously wrong. Of course, Ms. H says *exercise!*, which will help it to go away (hopefully) so that I don't have to have surgery. And who wants surgery? I think I'll work my BUTT off...no surgery.
After the loverly cyst finally breaks up with my ovary, and I get my progesterone levels to where they SHOULD be, I'll start clomid. I have to have an HSG at the beginning of May, and will have a follow up with Ms. H 4 days later, at which time I'll be put on the AI and IVF lists. I was really excited to hear that said lists aren't TOO LONG! She said that they are trying to have a quick turn around right now between deployments (remember, military, so this is all done through the Army and Air Force). THRILLED about that one.
We're of course hoping that with all this hard work, and doing what we're told, that we'll get pregnant before it happens. She said that about 50% of her patients lately have gotten pregnant just by exercising, changing diets, and losing weight! One girl, she saw for the first time today, and she was pregnant. She had only talked to her on the phone. Ms. H is GOOD I tell ya! Pregnancy by phone.
So, lots of appointments coming up, maybe clomid, and possibly AI in the near future? I hope so, cause I'm losing hubby for a year in September most likely!!!!
I keep telling my husband how lucky we are to have the assistance that we have. The military has the best insurance EVER. The only thing that we will have to pay for is IVF, IF we have to have it, and even then it will only be $2,900. Everything else is covered by our insurance. It almost makes me feel guilty. All those women out there wanting a baby so badly, but can't afford the treatments. My heart goes out to them, as well as the rest of you who are shelling out life savings for the baby you so desire. Best wishes for all of you and I truely hope that your dreams come true very soon!
She went over hubby's last s/a, and said that even though his numbers are low, we can still conceive, and she gave us a referral to see the urologist. If they give him the option for surgery for his vericocele, he's gonna go ahead with it. Ms. H told us that 30% of men that have this problem and have the surgery, have an increase in fertility afterwards, so we figure that's decent odds, and what can it hurt anyway, right?
I have to keep losing weight. I lost 5.8 pounds over the 3 weeks between our appointments, so I got a big pat on the back for that. *take a bow* I was impressed with me at least, lol. I've also really made the effort to go to the gym this week. I haven't missed one day! I'm proud of that.
I also, have to get rid of my *large complicated cyst* that my left ovary must be in love with. The thing hasn't shrunk since I found out I had it in Feb. It partially ruptured back then, so that's when I found out I had it. You know...when I was yelling that I was dying and something was seriously wrong. Of course, Ms. H says *exercise!*, which will help it to go away (hopefully) so that I don't have to have surgery. And who wants surgery? I think I'll work my BUTT off...no surgery.
After the loverly cyst finally breaks up with my ovary, and I get my progesterone levels to where they SHOULD be, I'll start clomid. I have to have an HSG at the beginning of May, and will have a follow up with Ms. H 4 days later, at which time I'll be put on the AI and IVF lists. I was really excited to hear that said lists aren't TOO LONG! She said that they are trying to have a quick turn around right now between deployments (remember, military, so this is all done through the Army and Air Force). THRILLED about that one.
We're of course hoping that with all this hard work, and doing what we're told, that we'll get pregnant before it happens. She said that about 50% of her patients lately have gotten pregnant just by exercising, changing diets, and losing weight! One girl, she saw for the first time today, and she was pregnant. She had only talked to her on the phone. Ms. H is GOOD I tell ya! Pregnancy by phone.
So, lots of appointments coming up, maybe clomid, and possibly AI in the near future? I hope so, cause I'm losing hubby for a year in September most likely!!!!
I keep telling my husband how lucky we are to have the assistance that we have. The military has the best insurance EVER. The only thing that we will have to pay for is IVF, IF we have to have it, and even then it will only be $2,900. Everything else is covered by our insurance. It almost makes me feel guilty. All those women out there wanting a baby so badly, but can't afford the treatments. My heart goes out to them, as well as the rest of you who are shelling out life savings for the baby you so desire. Best wishes for all of you and I truely hope that your dreams come true very soon!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
In the beginning
I like to think of right now, as being a beginning for us, but really the beginning was so long ago. It is A beginning, but not the very beginning. The very beginning was in 2001, right after my beautiful daughter was born.
From the moment I first layed eyes on her thick black hair, button nose, and gorgeous brown eyes (that are identical to her fathers I must say), I was sure that this is what my life was supposed to be about, and immediately wanted another bundle of joy to love as much as I already did this precious baby girl. Not only did I want another child for me, but I wanted another for her as well. Someone to grow up with and to share in all her childhood experiences.
So, in August of 2001, when my daughter was a month old, we decided that we wanted to have another before she turned two. We opted not to go on birth control and hoped that something would happen that year.
By the next summer when nothing had happened, we were ready to TRY to get pregnant. Sadly, his profession as a soldier, directed our lives in another direction. At that point, the having to put off TTC didn't bother me so much. I was only 19 about to turn 20 (yes, I married young) and he was 26, so I knew we had lots of time to go on that journey. He returned home in January of 2002, only to be sent to Iraq for the war 2 weeks later. It was the scariest time of my life. I was left home with our 1 year-old daughter, with my wonderful husband on the other side of the world in a war that seemed so unreal. CNN was on our T.V.'s in every room that had one. I was glued to it and terrified every time that there was an announcement that a company had been hit. It was a very hard year, but we survived, and he was home again in January of 2005. It was so wonderful to feel his arms around me, and to know that he was safe.
Of course, TTC wasn't out of my mind. We started trying right away. We tried for about 3 months before learning, that once again, the Army was taking away my husband, along with those little spremies that were quite necessary to the whole course of reproduction. We kept trying until he had to leave in September. That started another year apart, and that meant another year that we had to put off TTC.
In July of 2005, I flew to Korea to visit my hubby, and we decided that since I was ovulating....we should give it a shot! No luck that month. BUT....we were very lucky to have him come home the following month, ONE MONTH EARLY! He got home just in time for OV. Obviously, we weren't successful in July or August of that year.
In fact....we've been unsuccessful ever since! Peeing on sticks is something that I gave up on long ago. I learned that they are just big dissappointments. Good ol' AF seems to wait til you buy an expensive pregnancy test, pee on it and see only one sad, misely little line. Then she comes hours later in full force. I think it's her way of laughing in you face, seeing as she has no vocal chords to do it properly. Bitch.
We've now been trying for about 22 months, and 27 cycles since my cycles aren't very long. We FINALLY have gotten to see a fertility specialist. Our first appointment was last month. I thought, "oh, we just have gotten our timing right and we'll just talk to her, she'll set us straight and give us some pointers and we'll be good". I was actually totally shocked to hear that my husband's little swimmers are just uber UNCOOPERATIVE. He's taken 3 sperm tests in the last 6 months, and they are getting worse each time. It's quite unnerving! He also has hydrocele and varicocele, and may have to have surgery. I was told to work on losing weight, which I had already started to do anyway, and was given pre-natals and calcium tablets to take daily.
It's now been a month since our first appointment. I've had blood drawn on day 21 of my last cycle, and tomorrow we get to go and visit with Mrs. H again ( she's our specialist). I'm so excited, but anxious. I just hope that we can fix our swimmers and that nothing else is wrong with ME! One person to fix is plenty. The hardest thing that I'm dealing with right now, is that we've just been told that there is another deployment coming, and my wonderful hubby may leave, once again, for Iraq. That could be as soon as August.
So, I hope to light a fire under their butts at the clinic by letting them know about that. It's all done on base, and I'm sure that this happens a lot. I'm just so upset that we have finally gotten some help that we so wanted, and that we may have to put this on hold again in a few months. I'm trying to hope for the best, and wishing for a miracle. I'm seriously thinking about having them freeze his sperm, since we've already been told that we will probably have to have artificial insemination (AI) or InVitro Fertilization (IVF).
So, that's the beginning...that is the road that has gotten me here. At least the short version, believe it or not. I have to put on my big girl panties now, and just stick to whatever plan we get and focus on that, rather the inpending doom that is deployment!
This is my beautiful miracle, Leilani. She's my one and only, and a true joy to have in my life.
From the moment I first layed eyes on her thick black hair, button nose, and gorgeous brown eyes (that are identical to her fathers I must say), I was sure that this is what my life was supposed to be about, and immediately wanted another bundle of joy to love as much as I already did this precious baby girl. Not only did I want another child for me, but I wanted another for her as well. Someone to grow up with and to share in all her childhood experiences.
So, in August of 2001, when my daughter was a month old, we decided that we wanted to have another before she turned two. We opted not to go on birth control and hoped that something would happen that year.
By the next summer when nothing had happened, we were ready to TRY to get pregnant. Sadly, his profession as a soldier, directed our lives in another direction. At that point, the having to put off TTC didn't bother me so much. I was only 19 about to turn 20 (yes, I married young) and he was 26, so I knew we had lots of time to go on that journey. He returned home in January of 2002, only to be sent to Iraq for the war 2 weeks later. It was the scariest time of my life. I was left home with our 1 year-old daughter, with my wonderful husband on the other side of the world in a war that seemed so unreal. CNN was on our T.V.'s in every room that had one. I was glued to it and terrified every time that there was an announcement that a company had been hit. It was a very hard year, but we survived, and he was home again in January of 2005. It was so wonderful to feel his arms around me, and to know that he was safe.
Of course, TTC wasn't out of my mind. We started trying right away. We tried for about 3 months before learning, that once again, the Army was taking away my husband, along with those little spremies that were quite necessary to the whole course of reproduction. We kept trying until he had to leave in September. That started another year apart, and that meant another year that we had to put off TTC.
In July of 2005, I flew to Korea to visit my hubby, and we decided that since I was ovulating....we should give it a shot! No luck that month. BUT....we were very lucky to have him come home the following month, ONE MONTH EARLY! He got home just in time for OV. Obviously, we weren't successful in July or August of that year.
In fact....we've been unsuccessful ever since! Peeing on sticks is something that I gave up on long ago. I learned that they are just big dissappointments. Good ol' AF seems to wait til you buy an expensive pregnancy test, pee on it and see only one sad, misely little line. Then she comes hours later in full force. I think it's her way of laughing in you face, seeing as she has no vocal chords to do it properly. Bitch.
We've now been trying for about 22 months, and 27 cycles since my cycles aren't very long. We FINALLY have gotten to see a fertility specialist. Our first appointment was last month. I thought, "oh, we just have gotten our timing right and we'll just talk to her, she'll set us straight and give us some pointers and we'll be good". I was actually totally shocked to hear that my husband's little swimmers are just uber UNCOOPERATIVE. He's taken 3 sperm tests in the last 6 months, and they are getting worse each time. It's quite unnerving! He also has hydrocele and varicocele, and may have to have surgery. I was told to work on losing weight, which I had already started to do anyway, and was given pre-natals and calcium tablets to take daily.
It's now been a month since our first appointment. I've had blood drawn on day 21 of my last cycle, and tomorrow we get to go and visit with Mrs. H again ( she's our specialist). I'm so excited, but anxious. I just hope that we can fix our swimmers and that nothing else is wrong with ME! One person to fix is plenty. The hardest thing that I'm dealing with right now, is that we've just been told that there is another deployment coming, and my wonderful hubby may leave, once again, for Iraq. That could be as soon as August.
So, I hope to light a fire under their butts at the clinic by letting them know about that. It's all done on base, and I'm sure that this happens a lot. I'm just so upset that we have finally gotten some help that we so wanted, and that we may have to put this on hold again in a few months. I'm trying to hope for the best, and wishing for a miracle. I'm seriously thinking about having them freeze his sperm, since we've already been told that we will probably have to have artificial insemination (AI) or InVitro Fertilization (IVF).
So, that's the beginning...that is the road that has gotten me here. At least the short version, believe it or not. I have to put on my big girl panties now, and just stick to whatever plan we get and focus on that, rather the inpending doom that is deployment!
This is my beautiful miracle, Leilani. She's my one and only, and a true joy to have in my life.
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